I am 22 and until two months ago I had a girlfriend for two years. We had wonderful sex and I functioned fine. About two weeks ago, I started dating someone new, but when we have intercourse, I find it hard to get a full, strong erection and when I finally do get an erection, it lasts very little time. Before I undress there is a good erection and my girlfriend looks good and I am really attracted to her.
What is happening and what is the solution?
I assume you have excellent erections during foreplay andalso when you are masturbating, as well as morning erections. Given your young age and normal sexual history, this is probably not a physiological problem. The reasons could be that you are not receiving appropriate stimulation during the sexual act, or you may be under pressure of having sex with a new partner after a long period of time with another person. There may also be anxiety for other reasons, causing you to be stressed and out of focus during sex. There may be conflicts - sometimes unconscious - about the relationship you are in. All of these options can cause a phenomenon called "performance anxiety," which is anxiety about having sex.
I usually come across this phenomenon in young, competitive men who want to achieve and perform everything perfectly, including the sexual act. These men feel that they have to please their partner and they want to succeed so much that they get stressed. When stressed - things go wrong. In order to reduce and prevent stress in this context, it is important that you communicate openly with your partner. Try to be calm and concentrate on the pleasure during intercourse, without concentrating on the actual penetration ("the performance"). Focus on the foreplay and do not rush" to penetrate. When your genitalia does not erect, it is trying to tell you something. Listen to it. Do not try to force it.
Keep in mind that one partner's sexual dysfunction always causes a couple problems. Maybe your partner interprets the fall of the erection as a lack of attraction on your part. In a good relationship, it is important that the matter be discussed openly and mostly without blame, so it is best to have a conversation with your partner about your sexual difficulties. Share your thoughts and feelings.
Explain that losing an erection does not indicate a physical problem and is not a measurement of how much you are attracted to your partner. On the contrary, it is indicative of over-excitement and desire to please her.
If the phenomenon continues to bother you, you can seek advice from a qualified sexual therapy clinic. If you decide on this option, then in order to ensure professional and reliable treatment you should choose from the list of qualified sexual therapy clinics. The advantage of these clinics is the ability to combine medical care and, if necessary, also certified and professional sexual and professional emotional care under one roof.
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